i need another me

it's hard to explain... but no harm trying
though everyone speaks the same language
but not everyone thinks the same
even the same sentence can be interpreted differently by different people

anyway... something interesting happened

i had always thought of myself as an 'open book'.
Flip to the page and you will see what you want to.
(ask the question and you will get the answer. Though some sensitive matters need you to know the book better to find it.)

Frankly speaking, i have always admired people who are able to keep things to themselves. I didn't imagine i could EVER be like them.

*Then one day, my mom made a comment that i keep everything to myself and no one knows what i am thinking... or more precisely, no one knows what is/might be bothering me

So... it was surprising to me.

I did a quick reality check and... it seems to be true

Hmmm... i evolved again... without realising it.

I had became what i thought was impossible.

anyway, let's get back to ME! (laughs... seems so egomaniac)
Rather, let's get back to the topic.

A. Background:
I do a fair bit of self-assessment and inflection, self-reflection. I think i know myself to a higher extend than most other people would know themselves. Which is a stupid assumption, by the way.*(refer above)

But i do know some things about me that makes me think i need another me. (though i also realised that there is already 1 too many of me for the world to handle. That's 1 too many even for me to handle.)

B. Why do i need another me?
Well, maybe because i need another me
1. To kick me around when i am lazy
2. To pick me up when i am down (there's a certain style to it)
3. To remind me what are the really important things in life
4. To help me finish my work, haha
5. To discuss important things with
6. To help me break down and analyse situations and learn
7. to help me to grow
8. To make me stronger

C. Why can't others fit the bill of description?
Well, some folks are really busy and others are not in the same phase of life as i am. It is important to me that i get the right person to talk to, because talking to the wrong person will be like wasting time... Sort of. In a sense, you might get surprisingly candid advice, but such cases are few and far between.

And yea, some can't handle the explosives that i can be. Or when i get really moody... it disturbs them. Because, somehow, the usual me seems to have given people a very different perspective of who i am. Such that when i am down, they get really worried and do not know how to communicate with me. (MiniCow did surprisingly well.)

Well, it seems that way to me.

D. So what would I be doing to change the situation?
Well, it is odd, but i have decided not to do anything outwardly, as in, to others or with others. Even communications will stay the way it is today. I am considering a number of options, all require time commitment and long term changes.

E. So, what about the "keeping to myself" matter?
Well, I would be studying the situation before deciding on the appropriate course of action to take. I must say that some good have came out of this. It has made me aware of changes that i must make when communicating with others, like what should be said and what are the things that are best left unsaid.

F. So what about my job search?
I have been doing preparation work and been considering options. Market study, like researching at online job sites, checking the newspapers and preparing my portfolio. I have also checked with my friends in the industry and some things might be coming up.

G. Would i like to elaborate on what you mean by "some things"?
Well, that would best be left unsaid for now.