Sunday, February 06, 2011

tomorrow

is one shitty day...
2 resubmissions to do and both are 1/2 screwed. plus i got work from 6 to 11.
i might have more than 1 retake.
crap.

and though i have wished i could count on AG for advice, he was not there.

busy with his own stuff maybe.

i understand, yet feel disappointed.

i guess... when shit hits the fan... the only one who'll really be there is yourself. for real.

if there's anyone nearby to help... you're 1 lucky bastard.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

ideas

fun
era
l
black


dead man walking

m 4 xterminate

dead
dreamer

inanimate

souless
solace

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

recent post in khDotCom

Fellow CHCers and visitors, i bear no ill-will nor offense in this matter.

may i humbly request that we allow ourselves some time to regain our composure? It is now approaching 1 month since this entry was created by Pastor Kong and even now, we have individuals questioning the SCC deal. Which is fine, since it is uncommon that a church would need to deal with business matters in such a massive scale, there would naturally be skeptics and bystanders that would demand clarifications.

whether it is right for them to do so, whether they be members of CHC or not, in this matter, i would suggest that such matters be immaterial.

Looking beyond the language that was used, most of the other commentators are voicing out that they are not comfortable with what was being done and require clarifications.

In view of this, I guess it would better serve our purpose to respond to the questions behind the language, rather than react in indignation to the inappropriate phrases used, probably typed out “in the heat of the moment”.

As a fellow family member of CHC, i too, feel upset reading some of the posts, the careless choice of words, mocking tone of the post, or even if there were outright suggestions of inappropriate behavior on the part of our leadership, and i am ashamed to say that i too, had also reacted in anger as well. However, we would do well to remember that we should not “repay evil for evil”.

NKJV, Matthew 5:44 – 45
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath,But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Let us then be wise in our words and deeds, that God may be glorified, for it is virtue to us if we overlook offenses and by our words put to rest the doubts that they may have, in hope that they too, would be at peace, or perhaps even join in our efforts in this groundbreaking thing that God has done for us.

For if we are to return their careless words with insults and angry words, this would only promote strife and further arguments and ceaseless quarrels. Rather, let us advance the work of Christ, Him whom we call “Prince of Peace”, of whom we are followers of as well, address the issues calmly in a manner worthy of the Lord we serve.

As for individuals that have doggedly respond to every other post with tirades of doubts and inappropriate examples, we should bear with them, for even Jesus had “doubting Thomas” to deal with. If they truly desire to offend, we know that offenses will come.

As Jesus pointed out in Luke 17
Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

It is appropriate that we demonstrate the fruit if the Holy Spirit, patience. Let us respond in a calm manner, and by our conduct hopefully win some to Christ… and let those who desire to cause offense be in the care of God, for He sees the hearts of men and He is faithful to reward each according to what he/she sows.

I believe Ephesians 4:26-27 says it well:
“Be angry, and do not sin” do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

Let us then be mindful of our conduct, lest we sin against God in our zeal. Since what we write here is freely accessible by the rest of the world, shouldn’t we exercise magnanimity, that even those in faraway shores, whom we may never meet, would glorify God because of our graciousness?

Should I have caused offense, i beg your forgiveness. God’s Name be glorified.

Friday, March 19, 2010

idealist... me?

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)
The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

thoughts

this is kinda rough... but here we go...

when Jesus said in His parable that the Pharisees were diligent tithers, doing it till even the cents involved(in current day context), He said that they should do well in the 'former' as well

the former was in terms of honoring parents... which is the most basic of all relationship. If you cannot respect and honor the one who gave life to your physical body, put up with your nonsense, took care of your whining and whimpering when you are sick, celebrated for you when you did well, encouraged you when you were down(in their own fashion... which may not be what you like, but hell, it was for YOUR good?!) AND THEY DID IT FOR YEARS!

who can you say truly respect?

your friends? sure... if the kickback was acceptance and becoming part of the posse.
your boss? definitely, for pay rise and promotions, some people can bend backwards even
your leader? so that you look good... sounds like the scribes and pharisees to me

face it, a man who can respect the first leaders of his life, appointed by God, are the ones who are often considered real. these people tend to be more confident in who they are and that would come across to those that they interact with. That also means that such people are more likely to be secured in themselves and able to truly respect the subsequent leaders in their lives. Because these people had learnt to love and respect their first leaders, their parents, the same parents that slave away at their work, to provide for you as best as they can, comes home to clear your poo, endure your tantrum, stay by your bedside when you were sick, even if they have to be awake early for an important meeting the next day.

If your parents are the type that you would love to hate, i am sorry to hear that, but, reconciling with them is what you are expected to do. And that kind of action takes a bigger person to accomplish... not everyone can do it... and that is not important. What's important is... CAN YOU DO IT? Or would you rather 'put up a front' for the rest of your life?

personally, i am sick of it... i had left because i am tired... tired of putting up a front, behaving as expected of me... it has been about 6 months now... by the grace of God, i have not left church. I am more of me than i ever was, both good and evil shows up. And i know myself better. It has been a good experience and i look forward to coming back stronger... because i know who i am, i can be who i am supposed to be... and trust Him to shape me into an arrow that will not miss the mark. When i used to avoid problems, these days, i look in it the eyes and spit it in the face.

i think i like what i am... but i still look down on those that fear me.

Monday, February 22, 2010

ahhhhhhhh.... life.

i have left cg for quite a while now...

since then... i am free of constraints and expectations... (whether self-induced or imposed).

i.am.me.

fierce... furious, temperamental, angry, fucked up... whatever.
like i would really care that much... i had lived 30 odd years, trying to avoid hurting others, taking great pains to stay out of people's way, and getting a rep for weirdo-ism... some crap that is...

so... i've decided to be who i always was supposed to be. it's kinda problematic, trying to get used to being me... but i think i am finally getting used to it. Salt has got to be salty... would be weird if it tasted like sugar. murky me have decided to crystallize.

i see more of what is good and bad about me... more bad than good.

but some good is coming out of it... i'm more likely to fight on in an adverse situation, while i would likely have given up in the past. i realized that i have a "functional self" and a "school self"... "functional self" suits most occasions... "school self" scares the shit out of some idiots and generally gives the impression that i am a sociopath.

makes me think, it does. should i show a mask just because people like the performance? if someone likes me because of it... would it be deception on my part, causing someone to believe in a lie, loving that which was never there? there are no easy answers for me yet...

Friday, December 25, 2009

early start

this year... i started early...
the year has not yet end, but i had already began to move towards the new year... in a way, i never did like the new year, maybe because i have to handle the closure of the previous year... and it may not have been good.

but generally, i never did like the end of the year.

ah well... as the saying goes, deal with it.