it's back... engine's revving and aggression arising

whitherfore why
i do not know,
should i cry?

tension's arising
shoulder muscles tightening
how would the year be
the future i can't see.

application for SOT is now in a blackhole.

i do not know. I wish i did. Then perhaps i could do something. But i know not.

shoulder muscles tightening
headache coming up
stiffening neck

definitely a symptom of aggression build-up

Though i am thankful that God has seen me through 6 confrontations in 25 days of January, and all took place amicably and smoothly... i had, by the grace of God, controlled my soul and allowed God to work through me then...

is this another test..?

*in my mind, this 'video clip is playing'. The camera is capturing a soccer field on a sunny morning, and a female voice dispassionately announcing through a Public Address system... saying:"this is a test... it is only a test..." scene fades to darkness as the echo dies out.

is it a test...? Shall i go to church on Monday morning and join in the SOT orientation? Living on tenterhooks... yet it is nothing compared to Christ hanging from the Cross...

signing out.