testimony

Was out with Hermione and the fellas today. Chris, Mak and Terence, Hermione and Huiming and then, me! It was fun... for me at least. GRiNZ. Terence was amazing, telling jokes with a straight face, while Mak and Chris, patient souls that they were, entertained us by choreographed laughter.

Was totally insane, blabbering lame jokes so lame even Huiming was almost going to counsel me, or bang her head against the wall, Hermione was so totally flipped out and Mak saw me with new eyes... extreme surprise and a touch of fear. If i would hazard a guess the thoughts going through Mak's mind at that time, it would be something like: is THIS max??? How come so different one???

some days, other days... well... you know... it happens.

We had a meal at fish and co at Suntec, cos my friend's joint was closed [Creation Cafe, Shaw Towers]. The gang ordered mundane fish and chips. And once again, the 'bottomless pit' of the 'enviably skinny' Max shocked all present. Chris and i shared a seafood platter for 2. We had prawns, grilled fish, fries, mussels, squid and rice. Frankly, i think it was enough for 3. We shared prawns etc with the gang. And yet there was still more than enough to go round. the estimated total kill score for me... a bit of fries, 3 mussels, 3 prawns, most of the rice, at least 3 quarters of the grilled fish, alot of sotong and 1/2 of Huiming's fish (without the chips).

*burp*

Funny faces throughout the photoshots... my yet-to-appear future wife is so NOT going to look forward to the pre-wedding photo-slideshow/video in future. (I think the de-odorant 'jungle guy' in the gatsby ad looks cool... yea, well.... maybe)

After the fishy business, we went to Pacific Coffee when yours truly surprised even myself by sharing my testimony. How i was rejected by a girl, contemplated suicide**, met with Alex Oh in NYP, came to church because of a piano, stayed in CHC. how i was eventually kicked out of 2 cellgroups, how i left church and how God faithfully brought me back, to hear Pastor Kong announce on stage that Dr. Edwin Louis Cole, from whom i learnt what it meant to be a man, had gone home to be with the Lord. It was then i realised the tender mercies of the Lord, and the extend of His everlasting faithfulness... He knew that Dr Cole was a man that i loved, though we never spoke, he was like a father that i never had, teaching me things that i ought to have learnt from my own dad, who never taught me those things.

That God brought me back, so that i would hear directly from Pastor, and not through someone else. For His faithfulness, i will always be grateful.

I spoke of the commitment i made in coming back to church, The thoughts in my head during the altar call, that if i am going to backslide, i am gonna be wasting people's time. Might as well not return to church. And if i was coming back to church, i ain't going back to the world... cos if i went back the way i came, i'll never make it back to church alive. How i got baptised in the same year... and received my calling. How God saw my commitment, that my commitment was also a turning point in my walk with Him. People who knew me before can testify... i have changed quite a bit from who i was. But none will disagree that i am still very much a 'work in progress' (quoting Hermione on that count).

i also posed the hypothetical question... if i had been submissive to authority and open to correction... where would i have been... i have seen peers of mine, who came in to CHC about the same time, rise to positions of leadership in the church and thought, i could have been somewhere there too, if only.

I know now, with certainty, that as i give myself to God, as i committed myself to His Cause... He had changed my life. There is NO doubt of that.

I also spoke of how Sister Guin had influenced my life, even as i spoke with some brothers lately, that as we spoke of plans for the future, i asked them if they had prayed about it, just as Sister Guin often asked me if i prayed and asked God for directions, to seek God to know what He wants me to do in any given situation.

And i will always be thankful for her(Sister Guin). Despite the fact that Pastor said that we do NOT have to address people as 'Sister' or 'Brother', she, and several others, will always be 'Sister' and 'Brother' to me. For these people have wrought changes in my life, by their presence and their selfless sacrifice of time and love, for which i can never thank them enough, and i can never thank God enough, for bringing them into my life, to be a blessing to me.

Those who knew me from days before knew me as a moody, gloomy fella, temperamental and obstinate, stubborn as a mule. Someone capable of sitting alone in a dark corner while CG fellowship was going on. Sister Guin would know. We once faced off at a corner of the street, she, waiting for me to talk to her, and i, stubbornly refusing to say anything at all... till she decided that we probably looked odd standing there, and asked me to call her, should i wish to talk things out. She gave in to me then, but never gave up on me. (Pager was the thing then. she was code numbered "83"... i was code numbered "33"... gone were those days)

i never did call. But from her, i learnt what the love of a leader was, firm, persistence and never giving up. i coined the phrase, "stubborn faith", in honor of her. I cannot recall an incident when she ever said 'give up' or 'gave up'. She kept going, keeps going and i pray she'll push through and rise above all circumstances that she may encounter. God blessings be upon her always!

**contemplated suicide... it was the lowest point of my life, 7 months of idleness after sec 4 'o' levels and her 3 words "no, forget me"... Crying myself to sleep at night, working endlessly, distracting myself in the daytime, haunted by my imagination of 'what if's at night... i mutated from a cheerful, amicable kid who have friends from sec 2 to sec 5 (when i was in Sec 4), to a morose, temperamental psychopath that people diligently avoided on a bad day, on any given day. The only thing that kept me alive, thank God, was the notion that i was here, in this place, at this point in time, as who i am, because there is a mission that only i can do. Others can substitute, but i am the best man for the job. I can't die till that mission is accomplished.

Without that notion, i would've been dust in a ceramic pot already.

Thank God for His lovingkindness to me, without which i am nothing. Praise the Lord!